FAILURE

A quick Google search of the word failure throws up various articles, thousands of quotes and hundreds of motivational videos. All of them aim at convincing the person on the other side of the screen that the only failure that exists is not getting up when you fall. These videos and articles encourage the readers/viewers to learn from their mistakes and move ahead. The quotes, almost always from some of the most successful people, extol the necessity of failure for success. All of this positive motivation is available just a click away.

And yet, and yet, we hear on a daily basis about people who find it easier to face death than face failure. Why is that so? Don't they have access to all of this positive material? If they do, why do so many of the adults still struggle with depression and suicidal tendencies? As someone who has been in that position, I can probably try and shed some light on this.

When I stepped into my teenage, I was brimming with confidence and boldness. I was full of dreams and enthusiasm and always ready to take up a challenge. But as I grew older, I got sucked into the culture of measuring one's self worth on the basis of external validation; and I didn't get much of it. Of course my parents, family and friends always encouraged me, but in my mind they would do so even if I wasn't actually worthy of the encouragement. They were biased because they loved me and so I looked towards the society for acceptance and encouragement. When I didn't get much of either consistently, I started doubting myself and years and years of this self doubt resulted in extremely low self esteem and confidence. So while on the outside I still appeared to be the same old bold girl, inside I was a nervous wreck overthinking my every move and word, pining for a compliment and grasping desperately to whatever was left of my self-image.

All of this anxiety finally resulted in a nervous breakdown wherein I became more and more convinced that I was worthless and useless. At this stage, no positive article or quote could save me. Not because I thought those weren't true but because I believed that they applied only to extraordinary people while I was way below average. At this junction in my life, I failed my exam. All of my self doubt and self loathing manifested itself in that one word "FAIL" on the marks card. All my fears had been validated. 

So when a person is in such a mental state, no amount of external positivism can help him/her. At this time, as family or friend or even outsider, the most one can do is just be there. Tell them constantly that they are loved and that they deserve to be loved. Tell that to them a hundred times, a thousand times. Let them grieve but never alone. And to a person who is going through this, I would like to say this. We all have strengths and weaknesses. It is impossible for you to not have strengths just like it is impossible for you to not have weaknesses. Right now you are focusing on your weaknesses, and that is okay, but in time start thinking about your strengths too. Try and understand that no one event can measure your worth and you are much more than that. Every event is just a turning point, you have taken the turn, now decide which direction to head to next. You may feel pressured to look and act fine, but you know what, take your time and move ahead one step at a time, no matter how long it takes.

And that mental list of weaknesses you made? Look at all the people who love you with those flaws. Isn't that reason enough to believe in yourself and give life another chance?

Stay Strong.